6 April 2014
Positive Reinforcement
buy canada goose jacket cheap I was trying to do two things at once cook (in the kitchen) while deciphering some paperwork (in the next room). I’d been interrupted uk canada goose outlet a Canada Goose Coats On Sale thousand times with requests for snacks, shrieks over spilled paint water, questions about what squirrels like to eat, and arguments over whether clouds could be blue and flowers could be green. And did I mention buy canada goose jacket cheap that a ruptured disk in my back was throbbing even canadian goose jacket worse than my head? buy canada goose jacket cheap
Still, nothing can excuse my behavior that afternoon.
cheap Canada Goose I erupted like Mount Momsuvius: “Enough! Get out! Stop bothering me!” The look on my daughters’ faces said it all. The 2 year old’s eyes widened. The 4 year old furrowed her brow and jabbed her thumb between her lips. Immediately I wished I could stuff the hot lava words back into my mouth. They certainly hadn’t come from my heart, or my brain. cheap Canada Goose
We all say the wrong thing sometimes, leaving our kids feeling hurt, angryor confused. Read on for some of the most common verbal missteps moms and dads make, and kinder, gentler alternatives.
“Leave Me Alone!”A parent canada goose black friday sale who doesn’t Canada Goose Online crave an occasional break is a saint, a martyror someone who’s so overdue for some time alone she’s forgotten the benefits of recharging. “They begin to think there’s no point in talking to you because you’re always uk canada goose brushing them off.” If you set up that pattern when your children are small, then they may be less likely to tell you things as they get older.
canada goose coats on sale From infancy, kids should get in the habit of seeing their parents take time for themselves. Use pressure release valves whether signing up with a babysitting co op, trading off childcare with your partner or a friendor even parking your child in front of a video so that you can have half an hour to relax and regroup. canada goose coats on sale
Canada Goose Jackets At those times when you’re preoccupied (or overstressed, as I was when I exploded at my girls), set buy canada goose jacket up some parameters in Canada Goose Parka advance. I might have said, “Mom has to finish this one thing, so I need you to paint quietly for a few minutes. When I’m done, we’ll go outside.” Canada Goose Jackets
canada goose clearance sale Just be Canada Goose Outlet realistic. A toddler and a preschooler aren’t likely to amuse themselves for a whole hour. canada goose clearance sale
Canada Goose online “You’re So.”Labels are shortcuts that shortchange kids: “Why are canada goose coats you so mean to Katie?” canada goose factory sale Or “How could you be such a klutz?” Sometimes kids overhear us talking to others: “She’s my shy one.” Young children believe what they hear without question, even when it’s about themselves. So negative labels can become a self fulfilling prophecy. Thomas gets the message that meanness is his nature. “Klutzy” Sarah begins to think of herself that way, undermining her confidence. Even canada goose clearance sale labels canada goose uk outlet that seem neutral or positive “shy” or “smart” pigeonhole a child and place unnecessary or inappropriate expectations on her. Canada Goose online
The worst ones cut dangerously deep. Many a parent can still vividly, and bitterly, remember when her own parent said something like “You’re so hopeless” (or “lazy” or “stupid”).
A far better approach is to address the specific behavior and leave the adjectives about your child’s personality out of it. For example, “Katie’s feelings were hurt when you told everyone not to play with her. How can we make her feel better?”
“Don’t Cry.”Variations: “Don’t be sad.” “Don’t be a baby.” “Now, now there’s no reason to be afraid.” But kids do get upset enough to cry, especially toddlers, who can’t always http://www.canadagoosecanadaoutlet.com articulate their feelings with words. They do get sad. They do get frightened. “But saying ‘Don’t be’ doesn’t make a child feel better, and it also can send the message that his emotions aren’t valid that it’s not okay to be sad or scared.”
Canada Goose Outlet Rather than deny that your child feels a particular way when he obviously does acknowledge the emotion up cheap canada goose uk front. “It must make you really sad when Jason says canada goose he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore.” “Yes, the waves sure can be scary when you’re not used Canada Goose Jackets to them. But we’ll just stand here together and let them tickle our feet. I promise I won’t let go of your hand.” Canada Goose Outlet
By naming the real feelings that your child has, canada goose outlet you’ll give him the words to express himself and you’ll show him what it means to be empathetic. Ultimately, he’ll cry less and describe his emotions instead.
canada goose clearance “Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Sister?”It might seem helpful to hold out a sibling or friend as a shining example. “Look how well Sam zips his coat,” you might say. Or “Jenna’s using the potty already, so Canada Goose online why can’t you do that too?” But comparisons almost always backfire. Your child is herself, not Sam or Jenna. canada goose clearance
canada goose deals It’s natural for parents to compare their kids, to look for a frame of reference about their milestones or their behavior, say experts. canada goose deals
But don’t let your child hear you doing it. Kids develop at their own pace and have their own temperament and personality. Comparing your child to someone else implies that you wish yours were different.
Canada Goose Parka Nor does making comparisons help change behavior. Being pressured to do something she’s not ready for (or doesn’t like to do) can be confusing to a little kid and can canada goose coats on sale undermine her self confidence. She’s also likely to resent you and resolve not to do what you want, in a test of wills. Canada Goose Parka
canada goose store Instead, encourage her current achievements: “Wow, you put both arms in canada goose uk black friday your coat all by yourself!” Or “Thanks for telling me your diaper needs changing.” canada goose store
canada goose coats “You Know Better Than That!”Like comparisons, quick gibes can sting in ways parents never imagine. For one thing, a child actually may not have known better. Learning is a process of trial and error. Did your child canada goose store really understand that a heavy pitcher would be hard to pour from? Maybe it didn’t seem that full, or it was different from the one he’s successfully poured from by himself at preschool. canada goose coats
And even if he made the same mistake just yesterday, your comment is neither productive nor supportive. Give your child the benefit of the doubt, and be specific. Say “I like it better if you do it this way, thank you.”
Canada Goose sale Similar jabs include “I can’t believe you did that!” and “It’s about time!” They may not seem awful, but you don’t want to say them too much. They add up, and the underlying message kids hear is: “You’re a pain in the neck, and you never do anything right.” Canada Goose sale
“Stop Or I’ll Give You Something to Cry About!”Threats, usually the result of parental frustration, are rarely effective. We sputter warnings like “Do this or else!” or “If you do that one more time, I’ll spank you!” The problem is that sooner or later you have to make good on the threat or else it loses its power. Threats of hitting have been found to lead to more spanking which itself has been proven to be an ineffective way to change behavior.
The younger a child is, the longer it takes for a lesson to sink in.
canada goose Even with older kids, no discipline strategy yields surefire results right off the bat every time. So it’s more effective to develop a repertoire of constructive tactics, such as redirection, removing the child from the situation, or time outs, than it is to rely on those with proven negative consequences, including verbal threats and spanking. canada goose
canadian goose jacket “Wait Till Daddy Gets Home!”This familiar parenting clich is not only another kind of threat, it’s also diluted discipline. To be effective, you need to take care of a situation immediately yourself. Discipline that’s postponed doesn’t connect the consequences with your child’s actions. By the time the other parent gets home, it’s likely that your child will actually have forgotten what she did wrong. Alternately, the agony of anticipating a punishment may be worse than what the original crime deserved. “Why should I listen to Mom if she’s not going to do anything anyway?” your child canada goose clearance may reason. Not least, you’re putting your partner in an undeserved bad cop role. canadian goose jacket
buy canada goose jacket “Hurry Up!”Who in this world cheap Canada Goose of back to back appointments, overbooked schedules, sleep deficitsand traffic snarls hasn’t uttered these immortal words? buy canada goose jacket
Certainly every parent whose toddler can’t find his shoes or blankie or who’s blissfully oblivious of anything but putting on his socks “all by self!” has. Consider, though, your tone of voice when you implore a child to hurry, and how often you say it.